Common self-defeating beliefs and how to let them go from your mind, heart, and business

By Kat Boogaard March 28, 2019

From a runaway bestseller to a hit Netflix series, Marie Kondo has built an empire on the back of tidiness. “The objective of cleaning,” she explains, “is not just to clean, but to feel happiness living within that environment.”

But, ask yourself this: What about your mind?

You spend more time in your head than anywhere else. Often nitpicking, second-guessing, and doubting yourself. All of those self-defeating beliefs can clutter your mind and drag you down.

Here are five thoughts that you should let go of, as well as exactly how you can.

“This will never work.”

No doubt you’ve heard the statistic that 50% of new businesses fail within the first four years. While the real small-business failure rate may be far lower—and even if you’ve been leading a successful business for some time—this first self-defeating belief still haunts many people.

Maybe you’re plagued by it when you set out to do something different that could potentially rock the boat: launching a new product, trying a new marketing initiative, or increasing your prices.

A certain level of self-doubt is normal (and even healthy). However, you don’t want to be burdened by so much skepticism that you hold yourself back.

Whenever you feel a desire to try something new or tackle a challenge, think about the worst-case scenario. That might seem discouraging at first, but this can actually be a helpful reality check, as the possible result likely isn’t nearly as terrible as you’re imagining. Plus, doing this forces you to think through any potential risks—so you can check your own biases and make truly informed decisions for your business.

“I wish my business was as successful as that other person’s.”

Theodore Roosevelt said it best when he said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” But, using other people as a benchmark for your own success is human nature.

It’s particularly tempting when you’re a business owner. You feel good about your progress until you see that a competitor has just launched an amazing new website. You’re proud of your sales until a peer shares their own numbers for the quarter.

Constant comparisons can be debilitating. They’re also counterproductive. After all, someone else’s success in no way indicates your failure.

It’s time to put on your blinders and focus only on your own progress by thinking like a marathon runner. They aren’t at all concerned about who’s in front of them or behind them. They’re intensely focused on beating their own personal bests. Set goals and milestones that matter to you, and then work on achieving those—rather than participating in these silent competitions with everyone else around you.

“If I just work a little harder, then I’ll feel settled.”

Business owners have a reputation for being hard workers. One Gallup poll indicates that 39% of small business owners work at least 60 hours per week.

However, that also means that business owners have a tendency to overwork—particularly because they’re always setting moving targets for themselves. They tell themselves that if they just get a little more done or make a little more money, then they’ll finally celebrate their success.

It’s a big part of the reason why a reported 25% of small business owners have actually fallen ill due to stress and overwork.

Setting and then sticking to your goals is motivating. But, don’t neglect to take the time to celebrate when you actually achieve them—rather than continuing to move the finish line a little further forward.

Overworking is an easy trap to fall into, which is why you need to set boundaries (in the form of literal time limits). For example, perhaps you’ll no longer allow yourself to work when it’s past 6 PM. Once you’ve established that limit, enlist the help of others to actually stick to it. Your colleagues or even your family members will probably be more than happy to hold you accountable.

“My failures will always follow me.”

Failure is an inevitable part of the process when you’re a business owner. Even if your entire business itself is thriving, you’ll still experience your share of setbacks—like losing clients, receiving negative reviews, or dealing with disgruntled ex-employees.

Those disappointments can be hard to shake. But, here’s the thing: They aren’t following you. You’re the one actually dragging them along behind you.

Not wanting to repeat your mistakes is admirable. That doesn’t mean you need to continue to beat yourself up about them.

While it might feel a little cheesy, write a previous failure or disappointment on a piece of paper. Next, crumple it up and throw it away. I know—it seems inconsequential. However, it adds some physicality to the act of actually detaching yourself.

“My business is everything to me.”

Your business is your passion, and it matters a lot to you. That’s to be expected. In fact, research shows that pursuing a passion is the second most common reason that people start businesses, second only behind being their own bosses.

Recognize that your business can be important, without it being your sole source of fulfillment or identity.

You are so much more than just your business. “Business owner” is only one facet of who you are as an entire person.

Many business owners channel so much of themselves into their companies that they lose sight of the other things that matter to them. Schedule some non-negotiable time that you can dedicate to other hobbies and passions, whether it’s piano lessons, karate, or simply spending time with your loved ones. Keep in mind that you started your business to improve your life—not consume it.

Letting go of our self-defeating beliefs

When you’re coping with the stress of running your own small business, it’s natural that you’ll be burdened by your fair share of negative thoughts. However, you don’t want to let them overcome you, particularly when research shows that business owners are at an increased risk for a variety of mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, and self-worth issues.

This speaks to the importance of putting your own mind on your list of things to be straightened up and decluttered from time to time. Doing so gives you the opportunity to release yourself from those self-defeating beliefs and move forward in your business feeling refreshed and refocused.